The tears from my last two years could fill thousands of gallons. Everyone who knew me no longer recognized me – and I myself was slowly becoming just as unfamiliar to me.

In the moments of my deepest despair, I no longer wanted to life. I didn’t recognize this feeling, it was new and unsettling, even frightening.

My own shamanic journeys and shamanic medicines were present and active from the very beginning of my healing path, helping me not to completely lose my anchor in life. I took part in several intense ancestral healing ceremonies with a shaman friend, but over time, engaging in energetically intense shamanic work became increasingly difficult as my physical condition grew weaker.

At times, I even had the feeling that some kind of energy was trying to prevent me from connecting with my field of power and protection.

I dreamed a lot – especially about my parents.

My family and my closest friends were as confused as I was.

A lot of help that doesn’t actually help.

Hospital stays, countless visits to doctors, MRI scans of the cervical spine (neck) led to diagnoses that brought little relief. Cranio-cervical instability, cervical spine syndrome, cervical spondylosis … & eventually post-COVID and ME/CFS …

In addition, I tried various personal therapies, including alternative medicine, osteopathy, TCM acupuncture, kinesiology, and craniosacral therapy. A friend took me to her psychological counselor. Many euros were spent, and I felt like I hadn’t moved forward at all.

I lost 3.000 € investing in a three-month promising online coaching and training program, which I had to stop after four weeks because by now I felt even worse than before.

By then, all my attempts at healing truly felt like dead ends.

My last savings slipped away, and as a self-employed medicine woman, I did as well.

By then, I was at a loss and felt hopeless. It seemed like all I could do was surrender and be patient.

The horizon is getting brighter.

At the beginning of November 2025, after two years, an unexpected glimmer of hope appeared on my darkened horizon.

Almost casually I came across a video of a young man who amazed me and who spoke about the golden triangle, biomechanical primal body realignment, gut cleansing with primal nutrition, and nervous system reset in a previously unprecedented, logically connected way. Genetics, trauma, and mental hygiene – all included in his perspective, which he conveyed with striking clarity.

I kept hearing “primal” … primal nature, primal body, primal origin.

All those “primal” references awakened the medicine woman in me again!

Something inside me was ringing, and then a glimmer of hope clicked into place, somewhere between heart and soul. A deeply beautiful feeling that I had been missing for a long time.

I enrolled in his free 21-day body therapy trial.

After 10 days of bodywork using his method, I felt significantly better.

For the first time in a long while, I caught a glimpse again of what it might feel like for a healthy body to move and feel.

My soul whispered: Yes, yes !!! I want to live in such a healthy, aligned body again !!!

His method requires time, he says, because everything that has fallen out of balance in the body over decades needs to be realigned from the ground up. Trauma must be released from the fascia. My body had taken on compensations that were costing it strength. A build-up of injuries: from a torn Achilles tendon and a shifted hip to whiplash, were all factors + emotional stress + genetic programming + experienced trauma + illnesses I had gone through … it sounds extremely logical!

That after caring for and losing my parents, my physical “earth ship” – marked by a wide range of experiences – was clearly exhausted, and that after a COVID infection my sails were finally torn, doesn’t really surprise me in hindsight.

The aforementioned BodyReset in the one-year therapy program came at a price. A price that wasn’t in my bank account.

I realized that I was truly ready to commit to this kind of bodywork in the long term. I really wanted to give my body this chance.

The YES was there. Only the HOW was still missing!

Dreams are essential.

I dreamed again of running through meadows, dancing as I go, and spending hours collecting shells with my head in the pebbles. I dream of finishing my book, starting new workshops, working with people again, and continuing my shamanic work. Of sitting around a campfire, laughing with my family and friends. Of traveling.

I don’t remember exactly how it came into my mind, but the crazy idea of starting a GoFundMe campaign was born.

Everything had to happen very quickly, because the program was already set to start at the beginning of January 2026!

I didn’t have much time to think it through. I was brave nonetheless, because it wasn’t easy for me to share the details of my current situation with my acquaintances and followers and to ask for support.

(In fact, publishing this blog directly on my website isn’t very easy for me either. But that, too, is part of my journey right now.)

Friends and family helped me set up my ‘Back to Life’ campaign, and the miracle happened!

Within two weeks, I had raised the money!

And that was exactly the most sensible crazy idea I had since my health crash.

So many wonderful people took part in the campaign and made this path possible for me!

Gratitude is far too small a word for what I feel for my courage and for the people who made this miracle possible.

… I’ll write about my start and the first phase of my one-year BodyReset in my next blog post …